Sometimes tragedy happens for no good reason. There could be black ice on the road unbeknownst to a driver, a genetic disorder that randomly popped up, a horrific storm that far exceeded the weather forecasts, a driver who had a heart attack and created fatalities and lots of other happenchance heartbreaks.
In general, we do what we can to avoid tragedies and hardships because we aren’t keen to sign up for pain or suffering. And we can reflect on our past and adjust decisions based on lessons we learn, taking exit ramps, as there’s no need to repeat known hurts.
There’s an individual in the Bible, Absalom, who had opportunities to avert pain, suffering, tragedy and heartbreak. But he didn’t. Let’s look at his life, starting at the end and working our way back to a core tragedy to see what exit ramps he could’ve taken to avert such horrific pain. At the end of his life, he died swinging from a tree, his hair all caught up in the branches. He was leading a battle to overthrow King David, who was his dad. When the general of David’s army (Joab) heard about Absalom suspended from a tree, he quickly found him, threw spears in his heart and reveled in Absalom’s death.
Consider these verses that describe his horrible demise:
“Now Absalom happened to meet the servants of David. For Absalom was riding on his mule, and the mule went under the thick branches of a great oak. And his head caught fast in the oak, so he was left hanging between heaven and earth, while the mule that was under him kept going.” (2 Samuel 18:9)
“So he took three spears in his hand and thrust them through the heart of Absalom while he was yet alive in the midst of the oak.” (2 Samuel 18:14)
This was the heartbreaking end to Absalom’s life, but there were exit ramps he could have chosen, such that he didn’t have to die so tragically. Let’s explore some of these exit ramps.
To begin, some years before Absalom’s attempt to overthrow his dad, there was a rift in their relationship and a chance to work toward reconciliation—an exit ramp. This chance can be seen when Absalom comes before his dad after living in exile for killing his half-brother. Instead of working toward reconciliation, Absalom goes through the motions of honoring his dad, but he conspires to win the heart of the kingdom by standing at the gate in Jerusalem and chatting with everyone who came to see the king to receive his decision on legal issues.
We read, “In this manner Absalom dealt with all Israel who came to the king for judgment; so Absalom stole away the hearts of the men of Israel” (2 Samuel 5:6). Absalom missed an exit ramp on the road to his tragic ending. Instead of genuinely reconciling with his dad, he fertilized the rift with his duplicity.
Going back in time, before he conspired to overthrow his dad, Absalom had another exit ramp he could have chosen. When Absalom was brought back to Jerusalem from living in exile, his dad didn’t provide opportunity to restore their relationship, such that Absalom lived in Jerusalem for two years without seeing him. I suspect Absalom felt very hurt and rejected by his dad’s behavior, and it’s possible the rejection he felt settled into his blood stream and poisonously simmered in his heart. No doubt his dad didn’t handle Absalom well, but Absalom could have made different choices, including forgiveness. He missed another exit ramp.
And before Absalom’s residence in Jerusalem and no contact with his dad, he fled into exile because he killed his half-brother, Amnon, for raping his sister, Tamar. This was a horrific sequence of events, and Absalom made choices to perpetuate the violence. After his sister was attacked, he threw a party to create a smokescreen so he could kill Amnon. Consider reading 2 Samuel 13:20-23 to see the ugly germination of Absalom’s deadly design. In the two years following his sister’s rape, Absalom could have taken an exit ramp of challenging his dad about the lack of consequences for Amnon, the rapist.
When I think about Absalom’s life, it’s wholly tragic, but it didn’t have to be that way. He could have made lots of different choices, ones that would be more healthy for his soul than stewing, festering, brooding, scheming and making dark decisions, one after another.
Upon reflection, let’s be mindful of our choices and the events that can be set in motion by our decisions. Let’s determine to take healthy exit ramps off the highways of revenge, unforgiveness, retribution and bitterness. God has given us free will, along with the power to make life-affirming choices. Let’s be mindful of our choices and where they could direct our lives!
